Today is the last day of my little mini vacation. I didn’t do much really. Just stayed at home and spent much needed time with family. Some may not realize this, but I do enjoy just relaxing. Sitting and doing completely nothing but engaging my own self interests. Relaxing. It’s been an overall delightful vacation. With the exception of my mood.
One symptom of bipolar that impacts me more than others is irritability. I get irritable at virtually anything: phones ringing, kids not minding, people not talking to me, and things not going how I think they should. I’ve done very well in containing my reaction to things that irritate me. However, at times, my mind seems to run non-stop. In dealing with the irritability, I often migrate into paranoid thoughts. I like to call this the domino and cascade effect. One thing begins, triggering another, triggering another…. until eventually, I close down. I’ve learned to deal with this via music, video games, and -yes- coffee.
I’m not sure how the little bean, roasted to perfection, lends itself to my mental well-being. Without it, the irritability is -without a doubt- extraordinarily hard to deal with. So, yes, it is a type of “self-medication.” It’s definitely healthier then my favorite comfort food: hamburgers.